I AM A GENTLEMAN

I WONT HEAR ONE MORE WORD ABOUT CHANGING!

this video embodies so many things I LOVE
hipster girls with bangs
indie music
black men with chucks and suspenders
sweet dance moves
bow ties
<3

Sup Blog

Let's do a top 10 list.
First I have to think of a topic...
OK. my top 10 things I like to do:
1. Painting
2. Car rides
3. Taking naps on the couch
4. Going places where there are a lot of people. Like really nice malls. not places where I actually have to interact with with people, I just like to people watch.
5. Listening to music really loudly. especially while in the car.
6. Dancing. poorly.
7. Exploring nature.
8. Cooking.
9. Spending time with groups of friends. not doing anything in particular. just being together.
10. Wearing really awesome clothes, looking at people who are dressed awesome, watching tv shows about great fashion. Im finally realizing that when I see people and say to myself "he/she looks amazing, I wish I could look like that" I can look like that. Its awesome.

I'll Keep My Eyes Fixed On The Sun

A weight has been lifted, and I feel warm again.
I still dont like being alone, but some things never change.

Confidence Boost

today, two of the most attractive people I know told me I have awesome hair, and Im good looking. It made me feel good. I think Im going to start believing it.

Eric and I, doing what we do best.

I love my sidecut. Love. Love. Love.

And I love that I can hide it if i need to.

:-) all smiles. I am beautiful, and so are you.

You Should Have Seen That Sunrise

With your own eyes.
It brought me back to life.
-John Mayer

What's New Pussy Cat?

The deed is done.

Completely normal everyday hairstyle?
I think not...

Thats right. I now have lines shaved into the side of my head.

It looks super cool when I put my hair up too. And I can hide it no problems when my hair is down.
So happy I did it. Absolutely no regret.

Guess What?

I lost 10 pounds. Im getting close to my flat tummy.

And it looks like someone else is losing weight too. Check out Beyonce. I fucking love that woman. She is strong and extremely beautiful and talented. But maybe not as curvy as she used to be? Heres her new video for the song "Best Thing You Never Had" she is such a good spokes woman for female empowerment.

Even if she is a little slimmer. Shes still bangin.

SideCut

Its a type of hair cut where you shave a space into the side of your head. usually done on longer hair. Ive been wanting to do it for several months now. so I can prep myself for "the big chop." The length of my hair right now is probably the longest its been in my life. I want to grow it just a tad bit longer and then cut it very, very short. I wouldnt mind keeping it long but the upkeep is too much work and it falls out everywhere. Thats how curly hair tends to be. I use a bottle of conditioner in about 2 and a half weeks. So having short hair will save me alot of money. Im kind of afraid the big chop will be quite shocking, so I want to do something equally as shocking to prepare myself for it. Hence the sidecut. Ill possibly be doing it tomorrow, but I might chicken out again...we shall see...

I realize this isnt the best picture, but its pretty much exactly how I want mine.
Its time for a change.

Straight Up

You are shit
On the ass of society
Fucked up in the head
Shoulda gotta lobotomy
Makes me sick to think
That you ever thought of me
As a lover?
As another victim for your emotional sodomy?

think your bitch-ass aint gonna get caught one day?
gonna get stitches on that piece of shit you call a face.
cus my niggas be rollin' deep
and my bitches be supportin' me
whatcha gonna do when your stupid ass gets beat?
youre just a stick of meat.
a fuckin sausage.
and Im so happy that youre fuckin gone, bitch.
it aint my loss, kid.
and I hope you get all kinds of STD shit
on your small dick.

word.


My inner black bitch comes out sometimes...
yea...
Kanye, eat your heart out.

Last Night

My mother held me as I cried. That hasnt happened in years. She told me all along. Turns out mother really does know best. But children have to be left to make their own mistakes. And from these mistakes I will learn and grow and become the strong woman I know I am.

When I woke up today I had a quote in my head. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Its fairly well known as the prayer for serenity. You see it everywhere. But the first time I saw it was in my favorite book. Dry by Augusten Burroughs. Its the prayer that is said at the beginning of AA meeting, to help empower the members. I digress. I woke up today thinking of that quote, and I felt warm. I felt light. I talked to God. For the first time in as long as I can recall, I talked to God. Of course God didnt say anything back, but maybe Im finally finding my faith? I read another quote that went something like "God is closest to those with broken hearts." So maybe thats true. Or maybe just for now Im grasping at things to help me get by, either way, its helping and thats all that matters to me. Plus I really like believe theres something bigger than all of us...


Sorry about the long wordiness and no pictureness. This might become the norm for the next couple days. So just bear with me. Im just happy I have an outlet for my thoughts, and a way to help me clear my mind and reassure myself that I am strong. Thats all for now.