Paint By Number

My friend Jimmy has his chest tattooed, but not colored in yet. It's just a black outline. We thought it would be cool to paint in the blank spaces to make it look colored. I think I couldve done better if I had more time, but it's still pretty neat looking.

In other news, I like being back at campus because there are so many flowers I can steal and put in my hair, like the little hippie chick I occasionally am.

And as usual, sunset pic.

OH! I almost forgot, I re-shaved my sidecut. It has a zig zag in it now.

yeaaaaaaaa. :)

Moving

I moved alot of things into my dorm room yesterday, and Ill finish moving in tomorrow. Im excited. It felt good being back at school. At the same time Im also anxious. Less anxious than I was last year though, because atleast this time I have friends there and Im familiar with everything.

(this post was supposed to go up last Thursday but I just realized I never hit the "post" button)

Boys

Today at the outlet mall a cute boy came up to me and talked to me. Then he gave me his number. And when I got home he texted me on and off for a while. It was nice, to feel like I could be wanted again, by someone who didnt know me. But inside I know he probably wouldnt like me if he actually knew anything about me, and thats fairly depressing (Im not saying that to be down on myself, its just rare that people actually want to take the time to get to know me, because Im sort of a closed book and it takes a while) . Its ok though, because judging by his facebook, he seems kind of like a man whore, with alot of lady friends... Now I could be totally wrong, but Im usually pretty good with first instincts.

I move back to school tomorrow. Im anxious as hell. I dont like this feeling at all. I just want to be there and get settled in and have everything over with. I want to replace all my memories of my last few months at school with brand new ones. Im pretty sure that today was one of the first times in my life where a boy approached me simply because he felt like it. Not because we had previously met. not because we had mutual friends, but because he saw me and he liked me. I wish that would happen at school. I wish I could finally meet someone whos good for me. Dont get me wrong, I love being single, and Im in no way ready for another relationship, its just nice to know someone finds you interesting enough to come up to you and say hi, for no reason at all. Maybe I should start telling the people I think look interesting that they are attractive. I just always feel like if I did that they would think I was weird and creepy. Especially because half the time its girls who I think look incredibly intriguing, and alot of girls arent very laid back and would pounce at any chance to judge someone, even if that someone is giving them a compliment...

oh well I guess. life goes on. I just cant wait till this week is over and Im back at school with the new mixture of my school friends, and my friends from home who have decided to go to Kutztown.

Andy

I stumbled to a website today that will take a photo and make it look like an Andy Warhol painting. I thought it was pretty cute.

http://warholize.me/

The Sky

Excites me on so many levels.

I love how candid the shots of me are.
I think I need a hair cut though...

Im Watching The News

The world is fucking crazy. Literally insane. Now I know why I never watch the news. A man hired a hit man to kill his ex wife? What? Jesus. The world is terrifying. Im never leaving my house again...

I Have This Friend

she makes the same face every time I kiss her.

yeaaaa...

and heres a video of a very young, very blonde heather, and a very braces kiersten doing the chacah slide.

Legs

mine are long.
I always forget.
But then I get little reminders like this:

look at those things.
My brother is pretty leggy as well.
My sister, however, is all torso.

Reminiscing

Ive been thinking alot about how so many things have changed over the last 2 years. my group of friends has shifted, Im spending most of my time in another town. I dont see the same people anymore. But at the same time, some things haven't changed at all. I also feel like I spent the past 4 months in a fog. Looking back I have no idea who I was or what I was doing. It makes me angry to see that I could completely lose sight of everything I am as a person. But Im coming back around. I feel happy, genuinely happy, not that situational happy bullshit. I am happy from with in. But I do miss the good old days where every one was in the same place. I miss the days before I went away, The times before I met new people, because its not really the place that makes the home, but the people.

A video of when we all went to visit eric at arcadia in early october.

I made this video almost exactly a year ago. eric makes a very accurate prediction. 

Soul Mates

Is it true that no one ever compares to your first love? Or does it only feel that way until you meet someone who does? Is there one person in the world that we should be with? How do we know? Im not overly stressing these things, just something that comes to mind from time to time.

 

Photos are unrelated. Mostly...

I AM A GENTLEMAN

I WONT HEAR ONE MORE WORD ABOUT CHANGING!

this video embodies so many things I LOVE
hipster girls with bangs
indie music
black men with chucks and suspenders
sweet dance moves
bow ties
<3

Sup Blog

Let's do a top 10 list.
First I have to think of a topic...
OK. my top 10 things I like to do:
1. Painting
2. Car rides
3. Taking naps on the couch
4. Going places where there are a lot of people. Like really nice malls. not places where I actually have to interact with with people, I just like to people watch.
5. Listening to music really loudly. especially while in the car.
6. Dancing. poorly.
7. Exploring nature.
8. Cooking.
9. Spending time with groups of friends. not doing anything in particular. just being together.
10. Wearing really awesome clothes, looking at people who are dressed awesome, watching tv shows about great fashion. Im finally realizing that when I see people and say to myself "he/she looks amazing, I wish I could look like that" I can look like that. Its awesome.

I'll Keep My Eyes Fixed On The Sun

A weight has been lifted, and I feel warm again.
I still dont like being alone, but some things never change.

Confidence Boost

today, two of the most attractive people I know told me I have awesome hair, and Im good looking. It made me feel good. I think Im going to start believing it.

Eric and I, doing what we do best.

I love my sidecut. Love. Love. Love.

And I love that I can hide it if i need to.

:-) all smiles. I am beautiful, and so are you.

You Should Have Seen That Sunrise

With your own eyes.
It brought me back to life.
-John Mayer

What's New Pussy Cat?

The deed is done.

Completely normal everyday hairstyle?
I think not...

Thats right. I now have lines shaved into the side of my head.

It looks super cool when I put my hair up too. And I can hide it no problems when my hair is down.
So happy I did it. Absolutely no regret.

Guess What?

I lost 10 pounds. Im getting close to my flat tummy.

And it looks like someone else is losing weight too. Check out Beyonce. I fucking love that woman. She is strong and extremely beautiful and talented. But maybe not as curvy as she used to be? Heres her new video for the song "Best Thing You Never Had" she is such a good spokes woman for female empowerment.

Even if she is a little slimmer. Shes still bangin.

SideCut

Its a type of hair cut where you shave a space into the side of your head. usually done on longer hair. Ive been wanting to do it for several months now. so I can prep myself for "the big chop." The length of my hair right now is probably the longest its been in my life. I want to grow it just a tad bit longer and then cut it very, very short. I wouldnt mind keeping it long but the upkeep is too much work and it falls out everywhere. Thats how curly hair tends to be. I use a bottle of conditioner in about 2 and a half weeks. So having short hair will save me alot of money. Im kind of afraid the big chop will be quite shocking, so I want to do something equally as shocking to prepare myself for it. Hence the sidecut. Ill possibly be doing it tomorrow, but I might chicken out again...we shall see...

I realize this isnt the best picture, but its pretty much exactly how I want mine.
Its time for a change.

Straight Up

You are shit
On the ass of society
Fucked up in the head
Shoulda gotta lobotomy
Makes me sick to think
That you ever thought of me
As a lover?
As another victim for your emotional sodomy?

think your bitch-ass aint gonna get caught one day?
gonna get stitches on that piece of shit you call a face.
cus my niggas be rollin' deep
and my bitches be supportin' me
whatcha gonna do when your stupid ass gets beat?
youre just a stick of meat.
a fuckin sausage.
and Im so happy that youre fuckin gone, bitch.
it aint my loss, kid.
and I hope you get all kinds of STD shit
on your small dick.

word.


My inner black bitch comes out sometimes...
yea...
Kanye, eat your heart out.

Last Night

My mother held me as I cried. That hasnt happened in years. She told me all along. Turns out mother really does know best. But children have to be left to make their own mistakes. And from these mistakes I will learn and grow and become the strong woman I know I am.

When I woke up today I had a quote in my head. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Its fairly well known as the prayer for serenity. You see it everywhere. But the first time I saw it was in my favorite book. Dry by Augusten Burroughs. Its the prayer that is said at the beginning of AA meeting, to help empower the members. I digress. I woke up today thinking of that quote, and I felt warm. I felt light. I talked to God. For the first time in as long as I can recall, I talked to God. Of course God didnt say anything back, but maybe Im finally finding my faith? I read another quote that went something like "God is closest to those with broken hearts." So maybe thats true. Or maybe just for now Im grasping at things to help me get by, either way, its helping and thats all that matters to me. Plus I really like believe theres something bigger than all of us...


Sorry about the long wordiness and no pictureness. This might become the norm for the next couple days. So just bear with me. Im just happy I have an outlet for my thoughts, and a way to help me clear my mind and reassure myself that I am strong. Thats all for now.

Im Single

Im hurting.
Hes a lyer
and a cheater.
I have no one but myself to blame.
Im just gonna breathe deep.
Get through this.
I am strong. I AM strong.
I have friends.
I have family.
Im going to be okay.
I just need some reassurance.
You can do this, Heather.
You can.
Even if you need to type this same shit on your blog everyday.
Youre going to get through this and you will be stronger because of it.
I. Am. Beautiful.

4

Its 4am.  crying uncontrollably. where are the people who say "Im always there for ya"
They dont exist. We take care of ourselves. No matter how much love is professed by them or returned by us, when I wake up and feel disoriented and panicked, I know who I want to talk to. I know who I want to call and cry on the phone to until I cant cry anymore.

He used to be my support system. now hes barely there anymore. I dont think hed feel anything if he saw tears streaking down my face.

And I am hopelessly alone.           This hurts.

Ship Wreck

Im feeling a bit emotionally drained today. I guess bad dreams and anxious thoughts are to blame. Do you ever feel like things would be easier of you could keep yourself out of your own head? I drive myself crazy.

This is how I looked when I woke up and got dressed to go outside and pull dead ferns out of the flower bed.

Doesnt this picture just scream EYEBROWS? They need plucked. I know.

And this is how I felt

The whole reason I went out to do the ferns was because I needed to get my mind off of everything for a while...

Then I came inside an hour and a half later, sweaty and covered in dirt. Sadly I have no photos of that for you. Huge disappointment, I know...

But then I took a shower and now I look like this

And no that is not the same outfit as yesterday because I didnt actually wear that yesterday.

In other news, Ive been really into the band Manchester Orchestra lately. I guess they would be called indie? maybe? I dont know anything about generas anymore.

:-/

I Make Things

Here are pictures of 2 other dresses Ive made.

Not the greatest picture of the dress, but the best one I could find. This one took forever to make and I could even tell you how it all came together because I honestly dont remember.

This is my first attempt at a bat wing dress. I made it out of a jersey bed sheet because I wanted to do a practice run before I used nice fabric. It turned out pretty nice, so I tie dyed it purple so it wouldnt look so plain. I like it but I have no idea when Ill wear it.